Archive for the ‘Style Referee’ Category

JOHNSON MISMATCH SMART-SOCK HORROR

Tuesday, May 8th, 2012

YELLOW CARD FROM THE STYLE REFEREE

-Mayor receives caution for flagrant, double-aggravated hosiery misconduct this morning-

A deeply regretful incident as Style&Error thoroughly applauds avant garde running stances, particularly on public figures. Bo-Jo’s look has a visceral feel like a young Beavis vs. an ageing David Soul (young to google Starsky&Hutch- in fact just click). Full marks to Mayor Johnson for channelling this season’s Asian street fusion, with authentic Thai boxing shorts teamed with most credible Asics ‘Gel-Kinsei’ support runners, (looks like edition II or III, but a proper affair-for a slight pronation perhaps). Meanwhile, the child’s fleece and ‘conscious slogan’ tee shirt can be allowed on grounds of a busy weekend celebrations/being posh-autty, but that does not excuse the horror below the knee. Grey or black or any smart-wear sock colour in a sports context is an instant bookable offence at the best of times, but to maliciously mismatch is asking for a early bath. Johnson only stays on for his Thai shorts and Asics. Okay, act the fool on the morning run Bozza, but don’t dress like a office-clown at the ankle Boris, you massive sports-pillock: You’re making the electorate look like bigger jokers than they already do.

Name taken.

Stubbs out.



BAFTAS RED CARPET I

Monday, February 13th, 2012

RED CARPET STYLE REFEREE

Not gonna pass too much judgement and spleen. Just a soupcon perhaps. Lasting take homes from night were that the actual academy bods, the ‘BAFTA people’, are appallingly dressed. Not even gonna mention the women, as not my expert remit. Also that Heat-tech thermals by Uniqlo are rather special. I mean on many levels. Not taken them off yet. Don’t plan to for rest of week.

Most of the non-actor types attending are upper middle-class or maybe upper class even, and am quite amazed at their turn outs. The shoes were bad. Clarks clumpers with thick rubber soles, or sort of moulded Ladbrokes betting-shop fare were happily teamed with black tie. It beggars belief. Doesn’t the wife at least say, “Darling, do you think you should be wearing actual shoes to this?” Its like the whole ‘The British are well dressed’ thing is made up. Maybe we’ve not really been well dressed at any level as nation since before the First World War, and the myth has come from films and novels. In which case, why isnt the Bafta-bunch on the case? Maybe Ralph Lauren invented it as marketing tool. Clever stuff. Anyway, some of the actors look good at least. A couple of cautions to dish out mind. Note also, I took these shots.

-BACK OF THE NET, BINSEY-

No cautions to Gary Oldman however. Thought he looked proper. Really like the unusual bins that he wears. Makes that look his. And that unusual mouth/lip curl thing. Good stuff. Black satin lapel on a midnight blue suit and a good bow tie, could almost be real, but probably not. Paul Smith bespoke one is told.

-BLACK VELVET LIZARD-BOY-

Eddie Redmayne in black velvet Burberry with contrast silver lapelage looked rather good. Again am almost believing thats a self tie fella, but its not. Always good to see a red-head-bredrin getting any sort of adulation. Disproves a lot.

-SMOKING JACKET COLOUR LIVENER &  TIE COUP-

Cuba Gooding Junior looked suave. Seems he was turned out in Hackett. Not many people opted for coloured velvet smoking jacket style, despite it being completely legit black tie fair, and warmer. Stuffy old lot. Dress scarf is great, embracing this thing we’re supposed to be doing here. Now that’s gotta be a real bow-tie. You couldn’t sell those pre-tied, could you. Maybe someone should do a range of partially deformed bow-ties, pre-tied, but a trifle mental.

-YELLOW CARD FROM THE STYLE REFEREE-

-FOR NARROW GREY TIE IN BIG LAPELLED BLACK TIE COUNTRY-

Chris O’Dowd’s three piece suit was dead good. It was by A.Sauvage, we know him, don’t we darlinks. Rangy O’Dowd’s looked great in the horse-shoe vest, so, so dig those, the right neat patent shoes, but he flopped on the tie unfortunately. Not black and too narrow. Really like Chris and had a fun hour on the Day-Nurse with him at some point, but gonna have to take your name for that matey, its a harsh booking, but that’s how am rolling. Very sorry, but you’re in the book, you big tall imposing confident actor fella. Stop make Derm’ look short, too.

Look, that’s a double O, both pointing. Got a load more blokes to do, but there’s a sea bream in the fridge with my name on it. Not embossed with my initials or anything. I mean shirt cuff mono-grams are a tad showy, but no way on fish, surely? On with this caper tomorrow, si?

Stubbs out.


SHEARER & LAWRENSON SHIRT TRAVESTY

Tuesday, February 7th, 2012

DOUBLE RED CARD FROM THE STYLE REFEREE

-Two appalling yet remarkably different shirts on M.O.T.D. Quite bad scene-

Frankly shocked to witness the Match Of The Day shirt disaster on Saturday night. Been looking for a better picture, but this is it for now. Two millionaire ‘presenters’ fully aware they were to be on the television in front of viewers still made the decision to wear these shirts. Remarkable. What can they have been thinking. Surely it was a pact? Alan Shearer’s futuristic Special Constable uniform featuring epaulettes and contrast grey marl breast pocket flaps was an unwise choice for a man wholooks like Old Bill at the best of times. The resulting visual? ‘Ambivalent Police Cadet from the year 2042′. Meanwhile, Mark Lawrenson’s mint satin Preppy fusion affair was an abhorrence, replete with disco button-down topstitching. How did no one intervene? The effect of sheeny, clingy ’shirting’ on Lawro’s dilapidated frame evoked aging Bull-Dyke at civil ceremony. Alarming primetime shirt miss-carriage leaves both presenters suspended pending enquiry in which Gary Lineker is to give evidence with sartorial impunity.

Why do they not have them wear suits? It would be considerably more dignified. That Jamie Redknapp manages to dress just fine.

Stubbs out.


McGREGOR IN LABYRINTH TRIBUTE GARB

Friday, January 13th, 2012

YELLOW CARD FROM THE STYLE REFEREE

-Futuristic Highwayman stance featuring piss-poorly deployed accessorisation-

Might stop doing these as it goes as feels a trifle nit picky. But then again he does look a bit rubbish. I’ll just get it over with. So he’s got a metallic scarf tied like a Victorian gent (NB. Like that style of deployment, just not the scarf), in Ziggy silver, teamed with Tinie Tempah’s coat. Then he’s done a sort of rat pack 1/4 inch pocket square to sign it off. Double wrong. Three different languages. Should be a red. Sounds like nothing, but it’s completely inconsistent and looks pony. I do hate saying this, in fact have changed my mind. Will leave the poor bloke alone. Again, it’s the actors, they just can’t dress themselves. It’s all this pretending to be people. Need to start a sort of aid fund for them. You can see by the look on his face that he’s well unhappy, poor, confused fella, he looks like he presenting the Crystal Maze. Sorry Ewan, name taken, you daft Scottish ha’porth.

Stubbs.


D.C. IN B.C. – CRAIG PULLS IT ROUND, JUST

Monday, January 9th, 2012

FROM THE STYLE REFEREE

Fancy starting the week with some Spleen? Okay, so matey boy Craig wore some rather ‘unwise’ hi-top trainers with jeans to the Paris premiere of Girl With A Pony Tattoo the other day and got rightly panned. Have to agree with the consensus here. Red card for ‘Funky PTA look’. Shame.


-Paris Mis-Match. Craig in Nike high-tops boots teamed with cardigan/Crombie quotient.-

However at the Swedish Premier he’s gone back to Brunello Cucinelli, and dropped something quite tonal and stylish: Taupish/olive relaxed suit worn in relaxed-yet-dapper manner. Red card rescinded. Back to square one.

-Off the bench: Craig does chic tonal thing with self coloured tie and chocolate brown boots and is forgiven-

Maybe he just enjoys messing about and deliberately dressing like he’s an ageing youth TV programming executive on occasion. I’m just about to go out dressed in the ‘Magnum PI’ marl grey jogger/massive cardigan stance, so I know what he’s getting at. Sometimes its very refreshing to wear wrong garb. Am sure he’s not madly bothered (as I always say). Or perhaps he is.

Regardless, no such excuse for Ewan McGregor later in week. He’s righteously naused it. He really has. As for Gerald Butler, he looks like Noel Edmonds in his latest effort. More tomorrow..

TS out.